Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
If you look at Chuck Norris while he is smiling, your entire family will get AIDS.
Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck’s tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.
The other day Chuck Norris and his girlfriend were sitting down watching the Texas Ranger when his girlfriend said, “How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.”, there was a pause. Then Chuck Norris laughed a soft laugh when he put up his hand and made a tight fist and shoved it down his girlfriend’s thoat. He had his hand down her for a second when he jerkingly ripped it out with a fresh heart in his hand. He then said, “How dare you ryhme in the presents of Chuck Norris,” as he squished the bloody heart in his hand. Then he said, “Don’t fuck with Chuck.”
It was five years later when Chuck Norris realized the cruel dramatic irony of his girlfriend’s death, which he came to forget when the commercials ended and he got back to watching his show, so he began laughing and he laugh so hard it killed everyone within a five-hundred mile radius and causing the storm which started the second ice age.
Chuck Norris Doesnt tea bag he potato sacks
chuck norris invented canadians one day when he ran out of people to roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris can actually breath fire.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states “All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris’s records.”
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
God has nothing to do with the creation of the heavens and the earth, it was Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick to the face of God that allowed him to create the heavens and the earth.
Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids.
Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man.
Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer.
when he was a young man, chuck norris one crapped his pants. Seconds later, the poop was so frightened of an iminent roundhouse kick that it retreated back into his butthole.
Chuck norris was once the victim of a violent robbery, when the robber realized what he had done, he immediately killed himself
A lock of chuck norris’s beard is currently sold on ebay for 12 million dollars
After the cancellation of walker texas ranger, the crime rate in texas went up 200 percent
chuck norris is the current midget toss champion with a record toss of 79 feet.
chuck norris once killed an african elephant with his mind
chuck norris’s urine is more valuable the gold in many third world countries
chuck norris has never trimmed his beard, his hair follicles are to afraid to grow
chuck norris will never suffer from erectile disfunction due to the fact that his penis is permanently erect.
chuck norris can generate enough power with one roundhouse kick to solve all of the worlds energy problems.
chuck norris never gets sick because his white blood cells know karate
Chuck Norris once was playin a friendly game of golf with the pope. When Chuck shanked a ball into the bunker he began cursing. The pope said, “I will pray for you my son.” Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him to the face stating that no one prays for Chuck Noris besides Chuck Norris, then he stole his wallet.
Chuck Norris walked down the street with a boner… There were no surviviors
When Chuck goes shark fishing, he uses only his beard to catch, kill, gut and cook the shark.
When chuck norris screws spencers mom spencer gets a roundhouse kick to the face
Chuck Norris went back in time too stop the Kennedy assassination. He deflected all of the bullets with his beard. JFK’s Head exploded out of sheer amazment.
before chuck norris got his liscence he was able to shoot a helicopter out of the sky with only a handgun from a moving vehicle.
פורסם ע"י greenloco 
פורסם ע"י greenloco 
פורסם ע"י greenloco 
